ALS ney meree zindagi kesey badal dee

Sab hamesha aik hi sawal kertey hain: Woh janna chahtey hain ke mujhay yeh kesey hua. Phir woh janna chahtey hain
ke iska koi ilaaj hai ya nahi. Aur sab sey mushkil sawal: "Tumhein pehli dafa kab yeh ehsaas hua ke kuch gerber hai?
" Char saal pehley, mein apni cycle chalati thi, rozana werzish kerti thi, milti julti thi, aik kolej mein Spanish
aur French perhati thi. Ab mein aik kursee tak mehdood ho gayi hon, aur kaprey badalney
aur nahanay mein madad ki zaroorat hai. Mein bol nahi sakti. Mujhay baat kerney ke liay aik aalay ki zaroorat perti hai. ALS aik mohliq bimaari hai; iska koi ilaaj nahi. Mein pathon ke akarney aur derd, ghum aur
"jazbaati utaar charhao" sey araam paanay ke liay golian leti hon -- beqabu hunsee aur ronay ki sharminda kerney
wali aqsaath pesh aati hain. Iski wajah? Khyaal yeh hai ke iski wajah adwiyaat, virus ya pereshaani ho sakti hain.
Jab tak wajah naa pata ho ilaaj dhondna mushkil hai. Yeh sab kab shuru hua? Jab mein aik kursee sey giri, jis peh
char ker mein notice wala board tabdeel ker rehi thi, jo meree class ke bahar laga hua tha. Chand maheeno baad mein
apna aik waqt ka khana baghair khansey huay khatam nahi ker sakti thi, her werzish ke baad meri sans phool jaati
thi, kursee peh sey utnaa mushkil ho gya, her roz gir jati thi, aur baat kerney mein bhi dushwari pesh aanay lagi.
Yeh pereshaani ya khwaateen ki mahana bimaari khatam honay sey pehley wali alaamaat nahi thien. Mein mahiron ke
paas gai. Kaafi ALS ke mareez bimaaree zahir honey ke do sey paanch saal ke arey mein wafaat paa jaatey hain. Merey
khwab mer gaiy. Yeh kehna ke ALS ki wajah sey meree zindagi badal gai, aik nakhushgawar baat hai. Kaafi tabdeelian
zahir hain, kuch bohot choti, sirf usee waqt maloom ho sakti hain agar aap mujhay ALS honey sey pehley jantey hon.
Ahista ahista merey pheprey kumzoor ho jaingey aur mein saans bhi nahi ley sakon gi. Mein woh sab kuch kerna chahti
hon jo mein ne baad ke liay chora hua tha. Kia koi kabhi waqai janta hai? Kaafi saal pehley mein aik admi ke saath
kaam kerti thi jisko aik afsos naak bimari ka pata chala; yeh 1986 ki baat hai usey AIDS ho
gya tha. Un dino AIDS moth ki alamat tha. Jab tak us mein taqat thi, us ney socha apni saaree kamai
nikalwa ker dunya ka chakkar lagaiy aur merney ke liay gher aa gya. Mushkil yeh hai ke hum mein
sey ziada log apni qismat tab jantey hain jab hum itney bimaar ho chuktey hain ke kuch kerneyke qabil
nahi rehtey. Ya foran hi mer jatey hain. Meree moth bohot ahista waqaya ho rehi hai, aur
ilaaj ke akhrajaat ney meree kamai khatam ker dee hai. Mein dunya ka chakkar laganay ki istata''at nahi rekhti.
Her din aik tohfa hai, merey paas zaya kerney ka waqt nahi.. Mein bohot araam sey chalti hon, yeh ahista chaal merey liay naee raheein khol rehi hai. Kabhi aik achi sunnay wali nahi rehi lekin ab mein
logon ki baatein sunti hon. Ruk key ghor kerti hon, dekhti hon, pholon ki khushbu songhti hon. Mein pehley ki tarah chaba
key khana nigal nahi sakti. Agar usey patla banaya jaa sakta hai to mein usey ''kha'' sakti hon. Mein beth key sochti hon and likhti hon (ya phir
meri dafa, type kerti hon) Mein aik internet peh journal rekhti hon, aik aisee likhnay ki jagah jehaan sab perh
sakein, aur mujhay perhney walay bhi mojod hain. Bohot kuch aisa hai jisey ALS ney nahi tabdeel kia. Mein ab bhi
ander sey wohi insaan hon. Aik cheez jo ALS chor deti hai woh hai zehni qabliat, aur meree ab bhi mojod hai. Mein
saree zindagi seekhti rehongi aur ab bhi perhney ki shoqeen hon, political behes mein hisa leti hon, lafzi muammay
kerti hon, aur TV aur achi filmein dekhti hon. ALS ney meree bolney ki salahiat ley li hai lekin meree awaz nahi
li. Hamesha khud peh inhisaar kerney wali, mujhay dosron ki madad lena seekhna pera. Yeh sach hai ke aapko apney
asli doston ka tabhi pata chalta hai jab aap peh is tarah ki bimaaree aaiy. Bohot sarey aisey log jinhein mein
apna samjhti thi merey liay nahi rehey. Lekin ab merey psey logon ka group hai jo mujhay wheelchair mein
dekhna aur meree nai robot jesee awaz ko qabool kertey hain. Woh bura nahi mehsoos kertey jab woh khud gosht
chabatay hain aur mein dahi peeti hon ya koi aur kahany ki jagah lassi peeti hon. Un min sabar hai kionkeh
mein her kaam bohot araam sey kerti hon. "Zindagi bohot choti hai" ka matlab merey liay badal gya hai. Ab mera
dekhnay ka andaz badal gya hai aur baaz dafa aisa mehsoos hota hai ke meree aankhein hi badal gai hain, kionkeh
mein aisee chezein dekhti hon jo mein pehley kabhi nahi dekhti thi. Ya phir shaid mein kabhi itnee der tak ruki
nahi ke ghor kerti, aur sab kuch ander leti. ALS ney meree kuch salahiyatein mujh sey ley lein lekin mujhay izhar
kerney ke naiy mawaqay ataa kiay. Shaid mein isee wajah sey likh rehi hon - aik aisa kaam jo mein ney kisee din
kerna tha. Kisee din aa chuka hai, kisee din ab hai.